Harry Potter and the Fox Phire
by WindEmpress
Summary: What happens when a girl, who goes by the name of Kit, comes into the school and causes mass havoc...and talks in third person...and talks back to teachers especially Snape? Come and find out!


Disclaimer: I. Do. Not. Own. **ANYTHING**. From. Harry. Potter!

**Harry Potter and the Fox Phire**

_Chapter 1: Foxes Are Phunny_

Harry sat at his window, bored beyond belief, watching the sunrise through the colorlessly lit room. Hedwig was sleeping deeply in her cage, her feathers all ruffled in her dream and, yet, she seemed relaxed. The room was a bit of a chaos, mostly due to Harry's free-for-all to finish his research at the last minute and trying to hide his work from the Dursley's guarded eyes.

He sat back, remembering his dream that had caused him to wake at early hours: Animals of all varieties holding an orb of different tints and different matter in their mouths, claws, and talons. Some orbs were black, others were yellow, white, green, and who knew what other unknown colors they had. Harry shook his head to rid the thought.

The sun was beginning to peak over the horizon, making things much optimistic and less morbid, but Harry knew than to expect anything but the ordinary of his days here at the Dursley's. Today, to his glee, the Dursley's were going to go to a party at Uncle Vernon's boss's house. Harry smiled, in spite of himself that had finally learned to keep company from coming to their house, especially Uncle Vernon's house. It was a relief that he could finish his last-minute homework he didn't have time for, thanks to Dudley's every will to keep him from entering into his room.

_Bang!_

Harry jumped while Hedwig awoke and gave a chagrined hoot from her disturbance in her slumber. Uncle Vernon came stampeding out of his room and went downstairs. Harry didn't move, but simply listened to what was going on downstairs. Silence ate away at time, but sound returned as the red faced Uncle Vernon came charged up the stairs and into Harry's room in a wrath, cursing wildly.

"What sort of curse did you place upon this house to make things wake up a sleeping person!" he asked.

_Since when did you learn to talk so well?_ Harry asked as he turned away from his window. "I did _nothing_ to this house! Something must have fallen that you must have overlooked!" Harry said angrily. Aunt Petunia and Dudley were peeking from behind Uncle Vernon looking cross.

_Bang!_

Everyone jumped in shock. Harry turned to them with a face that read did-it-look-like-I-did-it? Everyone scrambled downstairs to find the source. Still, there was nothing causing the incredulously strident sound. As the rest of the family proceeded upstairs to look, Harry went to the kitchen to see what had caused it: metal pots and pans fallen over and a couple of plastic cups had fallen onto the floor, nothing serious.

He was about to leave when something caught his eyes on the ground, brown splashing of mud on the floor. Harry looked behind him to see if the Dursley's had come to check in here, nope. He bent down to inspect the splashes on the floor and came to find it was not only mud, but paw prints. They were all over the place; on the counter (that explained the fallen dishware), through opened cabinet doors, on the walls, and, finally, in a closed cupboard.

Aunt Petunia came into the area with a shriek, muttering things about "what could have done this?" and "how will all this be fixed?" Harry could only smirk behind her back as she inspected the 'damage'. He moved to the cupboard and heard a strange sound: a whimper? He guessed it was probably a loose dog, but how on earth did it get in here? He slowly opened the cupboard and….nothing, well, at least on the bottom shelves.

Harry stopped moving and slowly looked up as a shaggy reddish tail, tipped in white, fell in front of his face. There was a creature with black ears standing straight up and intelligent amber eyes staring back at his green ones. Its paws were dangling off the shelf now, all black almost up to its hocks, splattered with fresh mud. He was spellbound to the creature and couldn't move his body no matter how hard he tried.

Aunt Petunia shrieked as she turned to Harry and the fox. The fox turned its gaze from Harry to the woman, opened its fanged mouth and let out a long hiss. Uncle Vernon grabbed the broom and was about to hit it when it leaped from its perch and onto his shoulders and onto the floor. It trotted over to Dudley and scented him, twitching its nose and moving its tail about in inquisitiveness. It moved closer to Dudley and darted around him as Uncle Vernon chased after it with his broom, only to hit Dudley in the face with it.

The fox leapt onto the couch, leaving deep brown paw prints on the furniture. It opened its jaws and picked up a pillow and, amazingly, flipped its head around and released its jaws on the pillow, letting it sail through the air to land on Uncle Vernon's face. Uncle Vernon was blinded for a second, but during that time, he couldn't see where he went and tripped over his two own feet. Harry watched in astonishment as the fox leaped onto the table, where the clear bowl of marbles sat, and kicked at it with its hind legs. The glass shattered on the floor, but all the marbles scattered about. Dudley, being as stupid as he was, went to try to catch the fox with his pillow case. The fox, seemingly smiled, and leaped onto the ground and away from the boy as he stepped onto the marbles and fell onto his back with a thump.

Harry couldn't help but grin as the fox went back to the kitchen. It reared up onto its hind legs, opened the cabinet door with its fangs, and stepped back to open it up farther. It leapt in and glass china began falling out as it moved about inside the cabinet. Aunt Petunia shirked, the only thing she seemed to be capable of, and began picking up the disaster about her. The china stopped falling out and the fox's head reappeared from the opened cabinet door. Harry could have sworn that he saw it smirk as it watched the chaos it had created. Growing bored of the situation, it leapt out of the cabinet and trotted through to leap out the open window. It seemed that the screen had been broken through, that must have been its entry into the house.

Dudley stood up, crushing the glass marbles below him and slipping on a few more. Uncle Vernon was cursing loudly about 'hexed foxes'.

"If you're thinking on blaming me for it, why not keep the windows shut at night?" Harry remarked as Uncle Vernon began to rise.

"Then tell me this: how did a fox learn to open cabinet doors and enter into houses?" he asked.

Harry shrugged his shoulders. "If I knew, then I would have stopped it. Maybe it was a trained fox that got lost from its master," he said. That would be interesting to see, he'd have to congratulate that person for teaching a fox to open doors and break into houses.

"Well," Aunt Petunia said as she picked up her broken glasses, "who would want to keep such a pet? They are such a mess! Look at my kitchen floor! The carpet! The couch! My dishes," she began to cry over her broken dishes. Honestly, Harry thought they were the ugliest pieces she owned.

"Maybe we should call the police?" Dudley said as he finally stood. He took one careful step and fell onto his face this time. Harry had to praise the fox for giving some entertainment for the early morning and for making a fool out of Dudley.

Uncle Vernon grumbled and picked up the phone, calling the police. Harry mentally smirked.

"Hello, I'd like to report a break in….Nothing was stolen……Yes, I'm sure…..Yes, I saw who it was! It was a blasted fox...I'm not joking! How dare you……Why would I joke about this! This is serious matters…..Fine!" he hung up the phone and his face was a bright red in his fury. "They're sending out an officer, but they think we're bluffing!"

_Well, how often do you hear about foxes breaking into someone's house?_ Harry thought.

An hour later, an officer did arrive. He inspected the damage and said that they'd 'keep an eye out for a thieving fox'. He left laughing as though someone had told him a very humorous joke. Harry went up to his room and opened the door. Somehow, it seemed that the fox had been into his room, even through the mess he had previously made. There were a few paw prints on his carpet, but there was a letter on his desk addressed to him. He turned to Hedwig, who turned and looked at him as though she was asking him what had happened.

Clever fox, Harry thought as he walked to his desk. He quickly opened his letter and found, in a neat cursive handwriting, a letter:

Harry Potter,

I must say, it is quite fun to break in and enter into new territory such as yours. I also find that the people you stay with smell, and remind me, of dogs. If you enjoy the company of dogs then do forgive me, but you must understand how they seem to me. They smell bad and they are annoying! That one that kept shrieking like a hawk reminded me much of those annoying little dogs. Then again, it seems most dogs are annoying. Forgive my ramblings, but I make sure that you understand why I did such a thing and why I feel the way I do. Anyway, I was not looking for anything in particular, except for a little fun and trouble. And those humans that came into your territory, they didn't seem to believe that a fox had learned to break into a house. Oh, and my slogan: I Cause Trouble.

Sincerely,

The Fox That Broke In

Harry couldn't help but laugh; either this was given by its master, or this was an enchanted fox that had learned to read and write. He put the letter back into its envelope, placing it into one of his drawers. He pulled out some parchment, his black ink bottle, and his quill and began to write his letter to Ron, Sirius, and Hermione. He told them about the fox and the letter, saying how silly it all seemed. He also wrote about his strange dreams. Once he finished his letters, he opened up Hedwig's cage and took her over to the desk while the ink was drying.

"There are three letters here. If I remember correctly, all of them are in the same place, so it will be easier for you to send them. One will go to Ron and Hermione, and one to Sirius. Take your time and don't hurt yourself." He tied the two to Hedwig's leg and petted her soft feathers. He took her to the window and let her fly as the sun had finally risen into the sky.

_**WindEmpress: I am well aware that you are probably lost in the story. There is no certain year this happens; it's just a fanfic with no certain time. I KNOW Sirius is dead, but I don't care because he is cool. I am also aware that the sixth book has been published and this fanfic has nothing to do with it. Wow…I feel much better now. Well, until next time!**_


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